Had a tiring call last night, with hardly 1 hour of sleep. But that's ok, because my last minute leave for Christmas eve and Christmas day was approved. I don't really have an exciting programme or something planned up, but I guess I just wanted to utilize a bit of my leave since I have not been taking any since the day I started working in this department, well, almost 2 months now. Didn't really dare plan anything, coz I wasn't sure if my last minute thing was gonna get approved. So I thought, even if I had no plans, I'll at least get some sleep.

I realize that if there's one thing that makes me happy, it is to have off days. I'm not the kinda person who gets excited over money, so even if I found some money in my closet while cleaning it, it doesn't make me jump, you get what I mean? I'm not earning a lot, but enough to give my parents and family a satisfying amount, to pay my loans and bills, and to save a little for myself. I don't really need a big house and a sports car, I'm fine with the second hand car that my mother has graciously 'lent' me. I do plan to get a car on my own soon, but just don't see the necessity for it yet since my mum's not working and she doesn't really use the car anyways.

I'm pretty comfortable with the way things are going at the moment. I can't tell how long is this state gonna last, but at least, at this point of time, I can say I'm truly fine. I guess I'm not the kinda person who envies others who are better off than me, if you have a better paying job, a better life, a rich husband, staying in a bungalow and driving a Ferrari, it doesn't really get into me. I've never wished to be anyone else, never wished to trade my life with someone else's. I won't say I'm totally happy with everything that's going on (who is anyway), but the least I can do to make myself feel better is not to self pity and never envy another person. In fact, I never self pity no matter how bad things are and I hate people who does. I think of such people to be immature, who has not learn from life experiences, has not seen the worse and thinks that the whole world is owing them something. 

My pastor in his preaching last week mentioned about being thankful for everything that happens in life, be it good or bad.
²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:2-5)

I honestly think I'm able to cope with many things better now. Thanks to my past experiences, I'm able to detect a problem earlier, cope with the problem better and perhaps, more emotionally stable. I have a higher threshold to things, and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I've cut down on all the unnecessary break downs, no more asking why me kinda crap, never considered myself unlucky in any way (I never did so far anyway) coz seeing so many people especially sick ones everyday, if I were to complain that I'm unlucky, I deserve a shot in the head.

I am fortunate and blessed in many ways.
I am not rich but I have enough.
I fall but I learn to get up each time I fall.
I am thankful for so many things in my life.
I worship only one living God and nothing else.
I don't want to look back into the past, dwell in it and ruin my future.
I am weak, but I am learning to be strong.

So yea, if you wanna know how am I doing, I'm quite ok. Not very ok, but ok.

Blessed Christmas everyone. I'm on leave for the next 2 days, happy me!

So it seems everyone is asking the same question:
How's work? How's Klang?
It honestly gets annoying. I know they're just concerned but you get tired if everyone just keeps asking you the same question, and it's not like I really like to answer that.
I mean... how different can a hospital be? Every hospital has doctors, nurses and patients.
We see sick people everyday.
Wake up early, work work work and then go back.
Twice a week, you'll have to stay in the hospital cos you're on call.
So how's work what? Work's like that la.

You know, it's like asking a secretary all the time, how's work? What kinda answer you expect? Every job has its own scope of work, and it revolves around there. How different can my scope be? I don't invent atomic bombs or plant trees. Neither do I fight court cases or arrest criminals. You know what I work as, so that's my work la! Argh...

The next time someone ask me how's work, I'm gonna say, I work under MOs and specialists to treat patients.

Do I enjoy my job? No I don't. I just get things done.

I mean my superiors and colleagues in this department are really nice, but I'm working for a long term goal. That's pretty much about it.

Sorry. Tired me gets a bit cranky.

I'm tired of building friendships that end up broken.
It always start off like a sweet dream, but end up like a nightmare.
I'm tired of the cycle, of the repeats, of the over and over.
I no longer expect, I no longer hope.
Come as you wish and leave as you wish.
No more expectations.
Because it always end the same way.

And I'm still waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Very patient I am...

Many times, we find ourselves not knowing what we want. I for one, felt that way as often as all the time. One moment, I can be so sure of what I want, but getting what I want is a different story altogether. So I made my way through, trying to get what I want. I will eventually get there somehow, but when I am already there, I realize, not exactly what I want. The cycle repeats.

On and off, here and there. One moment I'm doing alright, the next moment I wish I was in a dream. There's always a point of time where I just don't know what I'm doing, or what I want to do. But give it a while, with no specific time frame, the moment will come. Where you suddenly know, what to do and what you want.

I was contemplating on many issues of late. It was so disturbing, I can hardly have a good sleep. Whether I'm at home or at work, my mind never stopped spinning. One issue resolved, the next one pops up. So alright, I'm in the process of settling one at a time. That's done, fine.

The next bugging issue, I am missing someone quite badly. The decision to cut down on the frequent meetings and the forbidden intimacy was one of the most painful decisions that I have to make. We have shared so much together, had so many wonderful moments together, and we have created such a bond where all I want is to be in this cozy realms. It was like an addiction, never getting enough of each other's presence and company. We looked forward to seeing each other, we kept in touch via all the means of communications that exist nowadays, we planned our outings... all of these, with one restriction. We cannot be more than friends with reasons only known to me (and some).

That restriction itself was the barrier to everything. I had to control temptations, I had to maintain a certain emotional distance, had to appear disinterested, cold and far.

Everytime I think of us, a deep sense of sorrow sweeps through me.
You don't belong to me, we cannot be together.
But you can't stop me... from missing you...

Just random shots I feel like putting up...




Check out Thunder's eyes... I wonder why dogs have those eyes effect in the dark... do they see more than what we can see? Or maybe the camera doesn't have a proper flash function... cos the shots were taken in the dark.



Does he look like a fierce wolf? He's actually not. Much tamer than Sky. Sometimes I wish he was mine instead. He doesn't bite... but licks me all over I feel like I was bathed in his saliva...



I think Thunder does look good...even from the side... right?
I just love Thunder...



Yes, check out his tongue... soooo looooooooong. This candid shot is just hilarious. Looks like he's so happy... why? Cos he saw me! Hahahha...



Sky the tour guide.



Sky the red riding hood... hahahha..



Me enjoying drink at Laundry, The curve. (Nah, it's actually my sis's drink... it's not that nice, don't order, taste like medicine)...


Me enjoying the nice dessert at Bubba Gum... ok this is nice..


Me and Sis... satisfied.