ensl's Xanga

Christmas not too far away

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:20:35 GMT

Last Christmas wasn't very eventful. I remember having to take leave to have a day off on Christmas, a public holiday for everyone else automatically. I might have to take again this year, maybe I'll take leave on Christmas eve instead. I don't have much leave to begin with, and I'm not allowed to take more than 4 days consecutively even though I save all my leaves till the end of my posting. So I made a rough plan on how to take my leaves for the next 4 months, and figured, I will spare a day for either Christmas eve or New year's eve. Remembering last year I spent both the eves in the hospital, being on call on one of it, and wondering how's everyone else celebrating outside the hospital walls.

I don't have a wish list in material forms, maybe because I'm already capable of earning and saving to buy what I want. My wish list are more of non material things, like for full recovery of my aunt, good health for everyone in my family, academic excellence for my sister, faith and strength for myself, joy and love for my friends (and myself). Things that money can't really buy, things that need God to intervene and by His grace, it is given.

Something else that I've always wished for Christmas. To be able to celebrate it with the someone special in a romantic setting. Strolling hand in hand, with beautiful lit Christmas trees all around, a very peace and calm atmosphere, voices of carols in the background. A white Christmas would be even more romantic, but that doesn't happen in this country, isn't it. So I'll be realistic and scrap that part off. A Christmas without snow would be just fine.

Time goes by kinda fast. It seems like it's not too long ago we ushered into 2009. Now it's coming to an end. This year has been eventful. I had the good and I had the bad. I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason. I've got a feeling this year's Christmas would be a special one. Somehow. Maybe the cooling weather nowadays has a calming effect. I don't know.

Things aren't so bad at the present moment. Work's pretty ok despite the usual long hours, the department I'm in now is really cool, I must honestly say, I have not been in a department with so many nice superiors before. The specialists are all nice, the registrars are really really really nice (I would even have a crush on one of them, too bad he's not available anymore, just kidding), that's just to show how comfortable I am working with them, surprisingly almost all the MOs are nice and kind, and my colleagues... mostly helpful and nice as well. Yea, thanks to you too Felix, it's just weird to know that you read my blog, I often don't realise that until you suddenly mention something that I don't remember telling it to anyone related to you haha. I seriously don't mind the long hours and the heavy workload (it's not really heavy now actually, considering we have more than enough manpower), if the working environment is pleasant like this.

Other than work? Well, let's wait and see if it happens. If it does, I'll let you know. And until that happens, that's all for now. Signing off.

Wishing myself a good call tomorrow.

Unintentionally annoying

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:05:13 GMT

So it seems everyone is asking the same question:
How's work? How's Klang?
It honestly gets annoying. I know they're just concerned but you get tired if everyone just keeps asking you the same question, and it's not like I really like to answer that.
I mean... how different can a hospital be? Every hospital has doctors, nurses and patients.
We see sick people everyday.
Wake up early, work work work and then go back.
Twice a week, you'll have to stay in the hospital cos you're on call.
So how's work what? Work's like that la.

You know, it's like asking a secretary all the time, how's work? What kinda answer you expect? Every job has its own scope of work, and it revolves around there. How different can my scope be? I don't invent atomic bombs or plant trees. Neither do I fight court cases or arrest criminals. You know what I work as, so that's my work la! Argh...

The next time someone ask me how's work, I'm gonna say, I work under MOs and specialists to treat patients.

Do I enjoy my job? No I don't. I just get things done.

I mean my superiors and colleagues in this department are really nice, but I'm working for a long term goal. That's pretty much about it.

Sorry. Tired me gets a bit cranky.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:33:55 GMT

The time is here
The time is near
The time is now.

Putting the past behind, so don't question me anymore.
I had my reasons in almost everything I do.
If I could turn back time, I would have made the same move, same decision, and I guess it would not be any different from now.

So don't question me anymore, for I don't owe anyone any explanation.
I don't wish to answer to any whys or whats or hows, nor do I want to hear any judgmental comments.

I do not look forward to this, but neither am I going backwards.

Hospital TAR, Klang. In 4 days time.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:34:14 GMT

I'm tired of building friendships that end up broken.
It always start off like a sweet dream, but end up like a nightmare.
I'm tired of the cycle, of the repeats, of the over and over.
I no longer expect, I no longer hope.
Come as you wish and leave as you wish.
No more expectations.
Because it always end the same way.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:45:21 GMT

I wouldn't say my life is dull. In between the black and the white, it was filled with a spectrum of other colours. These few months have been eventful. Experiences that money can't buy. Stepped out the box and realized there's a whole world out there, waiting to be discovered and experienced. I'm glad to say, I've learnt a lot, went through a lot, lost certain things, gained certain things. At times of despair, God has always interestingly provided me with a guardian angel. Truly thankful.

The wait is over. The question is answered. I'll be back on track, to where I belong best.

In a while more.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 14:33:53 GMT

And I'm still waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Very patient I am...

Emo emo emo...

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 05:02:58 GMT

Remember the day we first met,
Into each other our eyes were set,
Never thought that any chemistry would spark,
Never thought of planning a date in the park,
As time goes by we got closer,
Communicating and meeting each other became regular,
Our hopes and dreams we began to share,
Showering each other with love and care,
Day after day the bond grew stronger,
Like an addiction we can't get enough of each other,
Although the future was not very clear,
But a promising thought was always so near.

Who would have thought of a sudden change?
That makes everything go estrange?
Remember all the sweet words you use to say?
And you assure me that it will never decay?
Remember all the times we've spent together?
Assuming that it will last forever?
Remember all the promises that you have made?
And how you broke them all making me cry behind a shade?

When I'm feeling down and sad
All you do is to make me more mad
And the times when I'm feeling oh so blue?
May I ask, where were you?
All your deceits and lies,
I brushed it off with sighs,
Hiding me from all the truth,
I wish I can tell you beware of your tooth.

Why did you have to make me feel special?
And then everything becomes surreal?
Why did you have to win my heart?
If you plan to break it from the start?
Am I just a doll,
Giving myself to you upon your call,
And when another barbie comes along,
You start acting all wrong.

To trust you from the beginning was a mistake,
I played ignorant all for your sake,
I gave all I can for you,
Why can't you do the same for me too?
I was there for you when you needed me,
Are you too blind not to see?
I am not asking for anything gold plated
I just need to feel that I'm appreciated
To know that you're not taking me for granted
That is all I ever wanted.

No title.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 11:02:48 GMT

Many times, we find ourselves not knowing what we want. I for one, felt that way as often as all the time. One moment, I can be so sure of what I want, but getting what I want is a different story altogether. So I made my way through, trying to get what I want. I will eventually get there somehow, but when I am already there, I realize, not exactly what I want. The cycle repeats.

On and off, here and there. One moment I'm doing alright, the next moment I wish I was in a dream. There's always a point of time where I just don't know what I'm doing, or what I want to do. But give it a while, with no specific time frame, the moment will come. Where you suddenly know, what to do and what you want.

I was contemplating on many issues of late. It was so disturbing, I can hardly have a good sleep. Whether I'm at home or at work, my mind never stopped spinning. One issue resolved, the next one pops up. So alright, I'm in the process of settling one at a time. That's done, fine.

The next bugging issue, I am missing someone quite badly. The decision to cut down on the frequent meetings and the forbidden intimacy was one of the most painful decisions that I have to make. We have shared so much together, had so many wonderful moments together, and we have created such a bond where all I want is to be in this cozy realms. It was like an addiction, never getting enough of each other's presence and company. We looked forward to seeing each other, we kept in touch via all the means of communications that exist nowadays, we planned our outings... all of these, with one restriction. We cannot be more than friends with reasons only known to me (and some).

That restriction itself was the barrier to everything. I had to control temptations, I had to maintain a certain emotional distance, had to appear disinterested, cold and far.

Everytime I think of us, a deep sense of sorrow sweeps through me.
You don't belong to me, we cannot be together.
But you can't stop me... from missing you...

Am I asking too much?

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:54:16 GMT

I'm not asking for money to drop from sky
I'm not dreaming to be a millionaire
I'm not asking for God to send me the most handsome guy
I'm not dreaming to marry a richest guy on earth
I'm not asking for fame, status, reputation
I'm not asking for the biggest house or the most expensive car
I'm not asking to be the centre of attention
To be liked by every being
To be surrounded by luxuries
To be treated like an angel or princess
No
No
No

All I want is some respect, some love, some kindness and justice
Why is it so hard?
Am I very demanding as a person?
Am I asking too much?
Am I being unreasonable?

What is it?
Why am I not getting the things that I want?
I am trying hard to pursue it, but the more I pursue, the further my dreams drift away
What kinda game is this?

Random shots.

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:01:14 GMT

Just random shots I feel like putting up...

Check out Thunder's eyes... I wonder why dogs have those eyes effect in the dark... do they see more than what we can see? Or maybe the camera doesn't have a proper flash function... cos the shots were taken in the dark.

Does he look like a fierce wolf? He's actually not. Much tamer than Sky. Sometimes I wish he was mine instead. He doesn't bite... but licks me all over I feel like I was bathed in his saliva...

I think Thunder does look good...even from the side... right?
I just love Thunder...

Yes, check out his tongue... soooo looooooooong. This candid shot is just hilarious. Looks like he's so happy... why? Cos he saw me! Hahahha...

Sky the tour guide.

Sky the red riding hood... hahahha..

Me enjoying drink at Laundry, The curve. (Nah, it's actually my sis's drink... it's not that nice, don't order, taste like medicine)...

Me enjoying the nice dessert at Bubba Gum... ok this is nice..

Me and Sis... satisfied.