Had a tiring call last night, with hardly 1 hour of sleep. But that's ok, because my last minute leave for Christmas eve and Christmas day was approved. I don't really have an exciting programme or something planned up, but I guess I just wanted to utilize a bit of my leave since I have not been taking any since the day I started working in this department, well, almost 2 months now. Didn't really dare plan anything, coz I wasn't sure if my last minute thing was gonna get approved. So I thought, even if I had no plans, I'll at least get some sleep.

I realize that if there's one thing that makes me happy, it is to have off days. I'm not the kinda person who gets excited over money, so even if I found some money in my closet while cleaning it, it doesn't make me jump, you get what I mean? I'm not earning a lot, but enough to give my parents and family a satisfying amount, to pay my loans and bills, and to save a little for myself. I don't really need a big house and a sports car, I'm fine with the second hand car that my mother has graciously 'lent' me. I do plan to get a car on my own soon, but just don't see the necessity for it yet since my mum's not working and she doesn't really use the car anyways.

I'm pretty comfortable with the way things are going at the moment. I can't tell how long is this state gonna last, but at least, at this point of time, I can say I'm truly fine. I guess I'm not the kinda person who envies others who are better off than me, if you have a better paying job, a better life, a rich husband, staying in a bungalow and driving a Ferrari, it doesn't really get into me. I've never wished to be anyone else, never wished to trade my life with someone else's. I won't say I'm totally happy with everything that's going on (who is anyway), but the least I can do to make myself feel better is not to self pity and never envy another person. In fact, I never self pity no matter how bad things are and I hate people who does. I think of such people to be immature, who has not learn from life experiences, has not seen the worse and thinks that the whole world is owing them something. 

My pastor in his preaching last week mentioned about being thankful for everything that happens in life, be it good or bad.
²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:2-5)

I honestly think I'm able to cope with many things better now. Thanks to my past experiences, I'm able to detect a problem earlier, cope with the problem better and perhaps, more emotionally stable. I have a higher threshold to things, and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I've cut down on all the unnecessary break downs, no more asking why me kinda crap, never considered myself unlucky in any way (I never did so far anyway) coz seeing so many people especially sick ones everyday, if I were to complain that I'm unlucky, I deserve a shot in the head.

I am fortunate and blessed in many ways.
I am not rich but I have enough.
I fall but I learn to get up each time I fall.
I am thankful for so many things in my life.
I worship only one living God and nothing else.
I don't want to look back into the past, dwell in it and ruin my future.
I am weak, but I am learning to be strong.

So yea, if you wanna know how am I doing, I'm quite ok. Not very ok, but ok.

Blessed Christmas everyone. I'm on leave for the next 2 days, happy me!

So it seems everyone is asking the same question:
How's work? How's Klang?
It honestly gets annoying. I know they're just concerned but you get tired if everyone just keeps asking you the same question, and it's not like I really like to answer that.
I mean... how different can a hospital be? Every hospital has doctors, nurses and patients.
We see sick people everyday.
Wake up early, work work work and then go back.
Twice a week, you'll have to stay in the hospital cos you're on call.
So how's work what? Work's like that la.

You know, it's like asking a secretary all the time, how's work? What kinda answer you expect? Every job has its own scope of work, and it revolves around there. How different can my scope be? I don't invent atomic bombs or plant trees. Neither do I fight court cases or arrest criminals. You know what I work as, so that's my work la! Argh...

The next time someone ask me how's work, I'm gonna say, I work under MOs and specialists to treat patients.

Do I enjoy my job? No I don't. I just get things done.

I mean my superiors and colleagues in this department are really nice, but I'm working for a long term goal. That's pretty much about it.

Sorry. Tired me gets a bit cranky.

I'm tired of building friendships that end up broken.
It always start off like a sweet dream, but end up like a nightmare.
I'm tired of the cycle, of the repeats, of the over and over.
I no longer expect, I no longer hope.
Come as you wish and leave as you wish.
No more expectations.
Because it always end the same way.